I'll Always Have a Place @ The DQ

I thought I'd share

For those of you who don’t know about the Darwin awards, they are awards that are given out every year to people that have done us the enormous favor of taking themselves out of the genepool by dying in incredibly stupid ways. I thought I’d post some of my favorites.

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(25 March 1993)
A terrible diet and room with no ventilation are being blamed for the death of a man killed by his own gas. There were no marks found on his body, but an autopsy revealed the presence of large amounts of methane dissolved in his blood.

His diet had consisted primarily of beans and cabbage, just the right combination of foods to produce a severe gas attack. It appears that the man died in his sleep from breathing the poisonous cloud that was hanging over his bed.

Had his windows been open, the flatulence wouldn’t have been fatal, but the man was shut up in a nearly airtight bedroom. He was an obese man with an unlimited capacity for creating the deadly gas. Three rescuers became sick and one was hospitalized.

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(1982, Texas) At the Amarillo Fairgrounds, some buildings were in need of a coat of paint, so local contractors were hired to do the job.
Between the buildings was an angled alley with a culvert in the middle, designed to drain rainwater away from the buildings. Because of the slope, the wheeled painter scaffolding tended to roll downhill, so the painters removed the wheels on the scaffolding. They were in the process of moving the scaffolding next to a building, when the metal structure met a transformer. The painters were killed.

The story made the headlines. The town was abuzz with talk of the tragedy, how it had come to pass, and whether the city was liable for damages. The city officials decided they needed to conduct an investigation.

With much fanfare, they arrived at the scene of the incident, prepared to personally recreate the circumstances. Two officials grabbed the scaffolding in the exact same location as the two painters, began to move the scaffolding… and were promptly electrocuted.

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Holy Roman Emperor Frederick I embarked on the 3rd Crusade to recapture the Holy Land in the twelfth century. After spending days trudging across the dry summer desert, his army came upon the River Saleph. In his parched state, Frederick threw caution to the wind -- instead of his heavy armor -- and plunged into the river, whereupon he sank to the bottom and drowned.
Attila the Hun was one of the most notorious villains in history. He conquered all of Asia by 450 A.D. by destroying villages and pillaging the countryside. This bloodthirsty man died from a nosebleed on his wedding night. After feasting and toasting his own good fortune, he was too drunk to notice his nose, and he drowned in a snoutful of his own blood.

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Tycho Brahe, a sixteenth-century Danish astronomer whose research helped Sir Isaac Newton devise the theory of gravity, died because he didn’t make it to the bathroom in time. In that society it was considered an insult to leave the table before the banquet was over. Brahe forgot to relieve himself before the banquet began, then exacerbated matters by imbibing too much alcohol at dinner. Too polite to ask to be excused, he instead allowed his bladder to burst, which killed him slowly and painfully over the next eleven days.

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Francis Bacon was an influential statesman, philosopher, writer, and scientist in the sixteenth century. He died while stuffing snow into a chicken. He had been struck by the notion that snow instead of salt might be used to preserve meat. To test his theory he stood outside in the snow and attempted to stuff the bird. The chicken didn’t freeze, but Bacon did, prompting the question “Which froze first? The Bacon or the egg?”

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Jean-Baptiste Lully, a seventeenth-century composer who wrote music for the king of France, died from an overdose of “musical enthusiasm.” While rehearsing for a concert, he became overexcited and drove his baton right through his foot. He succumbed to blood poisoning.

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Some Darwin Awards are not true. This one forexample is a vicous rumor, but still funny.

Catherine the Great, empress of Russia in the eighteenth century, reputedly had a prodigious appetite for sex. Legend has it that she was killed by her bestiality practices. During one of her frequent conjugal visits with a horse, the rope sling that suspended the animal snapped, and the falling horse crushed the amorous woman. But the truth is that although Catherine had an appetite for sex, she did not indulge with her stallions. The rumor may have been started to undercut her claim to a place in history.

Posted by Clint at April 2, 2004 10:52 AM